Tuesday, January 1, 2008
another one of those greetings in 2 weeks. HAPPY NEW YEAR! nonetheless. haha
n i have this feeling this is gonna be a superbly long wordy post. so if ur not into words n most imptly not into my whinings... pls... fuck off.
it shd b surprising to most that i am home instead of celebrating the start of a new year somewhere amidst the crowded streets tonight. but u shdnt be... i've grew out of counting downs and crowded streets. call that old or wadeva that rocks your boat. the truth is.. its just another day. another week. another mth. another yr. its like those daily routines. on repetition thingy? yeah... gimme the best crowd, music, ambience and every other mixture im fairly sure i wouldnt feel as hyped as before. been there n done that.
bottomline is... wad can i do to spice up the nx second is all that matters.
2007 had not been all that smooth sailing. roller coaster rides and fluctuating market shares. i must admit i was tired out. for once... i feel the damn stress level tipping the scale. but for every down side... there was still sth for me to smile back at. u noe those albeit cliche yet highly used lines abt rainbows after a heavy storm or silver lining on every cloud kinda thing? i hope u get wad i just typed lol.
anyways..... recap on 2007 in the least mopey sentiments.
work...
i had my 2nd office job after my attachment. i was really looking forward to it. had my own desk, personal pc n phone line even. a no of great colleagues and uplines. but its like right out of ur usual tv drama.. politics galore. i dunno if its right to say i am still not mature enuff for the working world or i am just not cut out for humane relations. i could hardly communicate with the ppl in the other depts. i found most of them phony n they r the ones who are seated up along the line. i just couldnt bring myself to fake that damn smile at them everyday. so yeah i packed n left the moment i got my application to SIM approved. well.. i do miss them esp my direct uplines. their craps n daily doses of sex education haha! i hope they do rmbr me like how i still reminiscence abt the office jokes n gossips. i appreciated the helpping hands and first hand experiences very much.
after sch started i went back to plc. its the only job i held on the longest. going back to wad i liked to deal with best. animals n more animals. i sucked with humans lar... such a sad thing. haha. but i am contemplating the idea of changing job. i am stuck with a decision to make.. a choice to choose... n a problem with myself to solve.
family...
i think the best part of 2007 has to be the times spent with my family. i am not the least bit expressive esp when it comes to appreciations n gratitudes. i noe i sucked at humane relations. but i am very certain that i loved n still loving every bit of time spent with them. experienced a whole lot of new things. the great lengths my parents did to organizing my 21st bdae party tho i've never celebrated any of their bdaes like the way they did for mine. or even done anything close to that. I NOE I SUCKED. the offshore trips tho i dont swim/dive/fish.. but who gets to experience such things? definately not everyone. not majority of the ppl. the things my dad bought for me w/o any second or third fourth thoughts. n they arent cheapo stuffs ok.. they ranged from 2 digits all the way to 4 digits costing shits. the preaches my dad tried so hard to drill into me. its working daddy! haha. n the comforts of their words when i constantly got my heart broken by the same guy. n of coz my dad's priceless remarks when i do sth stupid... n of coz... believing in me AGAIN after my repeated disappointments n downhill academic results from JI to poly life.
family.. wad am i w/o them? wad am i to do w/o them?
friends..
if this was the recap for 2006. i would have shamefully pleaded guilty for neglecting my friends. but for 2007... i am proud to say that i've managed to at least let my frens noe i still love them very much. haha i spent a great deal of time chatting n hanging out with them. the thing abt being single? u got more time to spare with those who should matter more. u guys know wad i mean lar. i dun hav to spell it out in words.
anyways i made a new fren in plc. CHARLENE LIM. i noe u'd get to read this sometime. haha.. ppl always say theres a fine line btwn colleagues and friends. n they always say nv regard colleagues as friends. its quite true to a certain extend but in this crazy girl i found a friend. i hope i am not sounding like a lesbian or anything close to that coz i am not. we share girlie secrets and gossiped like theres no tmr. n we have plans made for holidays. haha! despite all the curses we throw at each other... i am grateful to end 2007 with a induction of a new member to my friend list.
for the rest of my dear frens... there arent many who actually matters.. u noe who u r... n its not nice to name them coz i just might miss out a name or two due but not on purpose of coz. just wanna re-enforce n add a lil more oil to the already burning flame n relight the already sparkling sparks of my undying love for u guys, the ones who matter.... (i really do hope i am not sounding idiotic) in 7 seven words... u guys made my 2007 worth remembering. *smiles*
school...
it was a short 3 mths or so? i am not very sure abt the duration of my first sem coz i took the part time course. n it stretched for a rather long time. i made a few classmates. they were all working adults except for me... i am the only slacker in the whole damn grp of busy bumblebees haha. grp assignments were a breeze coz they work really fast. n me being fresh out of sch.... everything was done in lightning speed. I LIKE! haha. none of that 'u do this' 'i do that' 'den we put tgt n summarize' shit process. its all abt 'meet up today n finish it today!' woooo... the fun times of laughing (i am sorry lol) at those stupid qns other ppl asked. rolling of eyes when the guys try to b humorous but turned out otherwise. how i love sch days... haha.. but i would b having a new bunch of classmates come 2nd jan. i hope they r as fun as my previous class. pray hard for me babes.
events...
2007 marks my 21 years on this shrinking earth. went to the zoo.. part of the bdae pact daniel had given me. had a bbq with the best ppl i have come to know in this life. bdae gifts in all forms... haha.. the fishing trips i had with the family. the best experience ever! gonna hav a overnite one on the 19th of jan. cant wait.... coz its gonna b at jurong waters... heard the currents n depth is way stronger n deeper than changi's.. gonna catch big fishies! anyways thats for the new yr! haha n clubbing nites... movie treats.. dinner outings.. ktv drowning.. xmas eve dinner. bdaes celebrations... loads to name.. haha its a eventful year i must say. there are just too many to talk abt... but i still do rmbr every single bit ok...
regrets..
i rarely hav regrets. but i hav one in 2007.. that is... deleting my old blog! argh. its not a stupid thing to have regrets on alright... its a way to rmbr the past by.. it works the same way as pictures.. if not better. coz i dont take pics everyday.. of every single thing that is happening ard me.
so now.. i have nth to remind myself of wadeva dat was running thru my head this time some yr ago. i so wanna get it all back.. i wonder if its possible? *shrugs*
love life...
i made this the last subj because i think i might hav a hell load of things i wanna say. whether or not it would bring any sad memoirs or stabbing truth to u.. i really dont care. coz... ur life is really not my concern. so there.
the yr started with heartbreaks. i shd hav seen the signs n prepared for it. but i didnt... who am i to blame? me n dan broke up in the beginning of the yr n we somehow allowed the r/s to drag on for mths. inbtwn i had my distractions but i still stuck with him. many times i wanted to end the r/s.. the whole thing was tiring.. it drained me dry. i dunno if its love or the dependencies were too much to call for an end. no matter how harsh the situation was... how near the edge we were at.. i didnt want to giv up. i held on.. i persisted.. n childishly thought i pulled thru. u see with quantity comes quality but with quality it doesnt necessary means quantity. but we had both. n it made leaving all that harder. u may call it stupidity.. but i dare say i've loved deep enuff. at least to me..
den in the middle of the yr.. everything repeated on its own. its like a cd on repeat mode being played the whole day. thru the 2yrs 5mths r/s.. we've broken up 4 times. all due to the same type of reasons just that the ppl involved r different. n the very last time was the last straw. i was really really sick of all that shit. all the lies he gave me. the shits he put me thru. the hopes he gave yet dashed single-handedly by himself. for once.. i do not want to live it all over again. for once... i left w/o habouring hopes. altho feelings lingered on for mths... things that had happened recently made me realized the harsh truth that a leopard nv changes its spots. thus the flame has died out.
i got into a r/s with jacky. i tot he would b able to fix my heart. but i broke his heart instead. i am truly sorry. but i noe no amt of words could salvage the already tensed tension btwn us. i noe i wasnt the best gf for him. n somehow i noe i would not be for anyone in the near future. till i find someone that would make me believe n all that happily ever after tales again. this r/s caused me guilt for breaking someone's heart.. felt bad for making someone cry... made me wanna think twice before falling in love or assumed i am in love. all that 3 second distractions is nowhere near lifelong commitment. n i really hate the feeling of knowing someone out there is sad cause of sth i did... or cause of me n theres nth i can do to rectify it.
n the best thing that came along with the office job? or out of it? yeah. is knowing this one funny guy n his company that i so missed. he was there when i was really down but not out. he spent his days n nites with me thru suppers, car rides, pasar malam walks, dinners, park strolls, dvds, cable tvs, msn chats and smses. n now? tho it all seems far behind n we've hardly met up... its sth i would rmbr n hold close to my heart. n hope on a million birds (he wants to b a bird lar) that somewhere along the line... mayb... mayb.. sth gd can grow out of all the pinnings. i wont call this a confession. its a very kiddish new yr wish. haha he is by far the only one for now whom i still think abt even though his features seem to be so unfamiliar with all the 'busy' times.. even after all these mths n ceasing smses n chats... i dunno wad u call this kinda feelings as. but no worries... its not love... its just sth to live by n smile to.
alrights
i hope i didnt leave any impt points in 2007 out. n i think i wasnt sounding all that emotional. tho at some pt i was feeling a lil nostalgic. i took ard 1hr to type this out. to sum up 365 days.. 12mths... 1 whole damn year in an entry.. into words. to pack every minute events in memories to be signed sealed delivered to the bottom of my heart tgt with all the past packages. to put everything behind me n move on afresh into the new year.
n
in its simplest way...
goodbye 2007.
hello 2008.
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I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;
