Wednesday, November 26, 2008
of finding my certs, my mum dug out the many letters, cards and old photos of me n my frens! i have like a collection of the small small thumbnail sized neoprints all taken in pri n sec sch plus some neo-cards taken with some guys. haha so scandalous. n i looked soooooooooooooo toot lar. cant imagine y i still had suitors. they must b blind. found some class photos as well and my BABY PHOTOS! lol. n some 4-5yo pics of me. i dunno how they ended up in the bag but it was in the scrapbook daniel did for me. well.. it was uncompleted. expected. everything abt him is uncompleted. i shall scan them all into the comp after my exams r done. i actually can do it now but u noe... its gonna make me feel bad for not at least looking at my notes.
the gd part is.. i found my certs. haha all thanks to mummy! n i've already scanned them into the comp waitin for the right time to MASS send my resume to the respective cos.
anyways i am feeling guilty cos i spent monday n tuesday afternoon watching The Gem of Life. BLAME MUMMY! lol. wrong time to rent the dvds. gosh. i am so gd at this.. hai.. how? nvm... can pass can le........ i am hopeing the IT shits doesnt fail me on the day of exams. i am banking all on the lecturer's hint.
n before i go on. i think i hurt somebody again. cos of my indecisiveness and cowardice, i broke someone's heart AGAIN. sometimes it isnt gd to be nice to girls like me cos i dont have a positive reaction to nice gestures or ppl. i instead have an allergy towards them n i shun them like viruses. it isnt cos ur not gd enuff for me. its cos i am just not the type for u n ur not my cup of tea. n when u become so gentlemen-ly it would only make it hard for me not to break ur heart n when it drags on it would den stresses me n creates an illusion for u. till now i am still tryin to tell u dat it isnt wrong to be nice n nice guy will finish in the end. but its just not for my lane. fine if ppl thinks i am so crude. but after breaking the person's heart the last thing i wan is the person being paranoid towards me. i do not know how to handle emo ppl n do not like to 'socialise' with them. therefore i would shun them further. like i said.. i am bad with PR-skills.
i admit u were nice u got me stuffs n dats y i find it hard to reject u. but.. i think its better to draw a line at this pt cos i dun wanna delude u even further. n i am not materialistic i am just practical so pls ppl dont come n chastize me like u noe me. sigh. its so difficult to be truthful n not hurt ppl. am i supposed to make everyone else happy but myself miserable? or i shd just not bother abt the world's sappy-ness n hav my unhappiness thrown all at them?
feeling bad. n bad. n guilty. n bad. n guilty n guilty.
btw.. i noe wayne is gonna say i am SLOW. lol but i did only caught this song i think like last week. its a pretty lian-ish song. u noe? ard dat genre of music? but the lyrics caught my attention. i so liveD to it. reminds me of daniel. reminds me of WAY BACK. reminds me of how i felt. reminds me of how dumb i was. so it doesnt just reminds me of the feelings i had. get it? so dont read too much into it.
omg do u get it?! dont come n ask me if i still think of him COS I DO but its cos its just memories!
I Wanted You by Ina
Lately I've been thinking about what I can do
I've been stressing to fall back in love with you
I'm so sorry that I couldn't follow through
But I can't go on this way. I've got to stop it babe
You've been wonderful in all that you can be
But it hurts when you say that you understand me
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I
I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you
I've been pushing hard to open up the door
Trying to take us back to where we were before
But I'm done. I just can't do this anymore
'Cause we can't be mended, so let's stop pretending now
We've been walking around in circles for some time
And I think we should head for the finish line
So believe me. I, I am sorry, I, I am sorry, I, I
I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you
I, I... I'm so sorry baby
But I, I... I gotta pack up and leave
But I, I'll always remember how we came close
... to being how I wanted to be
I wanted you baby
I wanted you
I wanted you to be there when I fall
I wanted you to see me through it all
I wanted you to be the one I loved
I wanted you, I wanted you
I wanted you to hold me in my sleep
I wanted you to show me what I need
I wanted you to know just how down deep
I wanted you, I wanted you
-
I guess this is a beautiful mistake too...# ;
